Currently Listening From The Yellow Room Kiss the Rain see related

tiredness

That's probably not a word, but anyhow... I'm going to ignore capitals for now. (Don't feel like using Shift.)

just came back from camping. hands are chapped and i have little ouchies everywhere, but overall, it was pretty fun.

Elected as vice president on the executive council for 6th Meadowvale Venturer Company.

tiring but fun weekend. PD day tomorrow.

going to drop out of NaNoWriMo. don't have the time to do it, as much as i'd like to.

darn homework. i want to SLEEP.

=)

444

It has been 444 days since I joined Xanga. Not a good number in Chinese. Now, I shall blatantly disregard all spelling and grammar rules in this post starting.....now.

i don't know what you want me to do. what am i supposed to do when i'm getting mixed signals? come/go, stay/leave, i don't care/don't leave me.

push/pull. magnetic force. the south and north pole of a damn magnet.

there's a hole in my fucking heart that increases every time you do this. am i supposed to hope for more, or should i be content with what i have? i want to hope. it's only human.

but when you shove me aside, tell me not to care, i suddenly find myself at a loss. i'm staying because i care. i'm your friend because i care. do you want me to cast you off like you don't matter, because i can't do that. not to you, not to anyone that matters one iota to me.

i'm sorry for everything that i've done. i'm sorry. i don't know what i would do without you, and i'm sorry that you don't think the same. i'm sorry for everything that i am not and can't be. for ditching you, for causing you trouble. i know i'm nothing at all.

you don't have to go to any sort of trouble for me. i don't matter. or if i do, i'll never know.

i'm even more sorry that i will never be able to say in words how i really feel to you. i'm sorry for everything that i've done that has ever hurt you, and for things i might never do.

i won't be able to stop hoping for something. like i said, it is in the human nature to hope and to believe. i will take whatever comes, taking happiness and bitterness.

this (unrequited) love for you is a drug. can't get enough, desperate and longing for more. addictive, utter happiness. self-destructive and fufilling. need it, drowning in it, being saved by it.

fuck. i'm so fucking in love with you. i need you.

i'm sorry if it's not something that you want. i'm sorry for who i am.

All that and a bag of cookies

♥ハウル×ソフィ, royai, IchiRuki, AbelxEsther!!

^_^ Okay, just needed to put that there for posterity. Declaring my fandom shippings, that's all! Hehe, in order shown: Howl's Moving Castle, Fullmetal Alchemist, BLEACH, Trinity Blood.

@__@ Oh someone save me. I've become addicted to yet another series again. This time it's the Trinity Blood novels/manga. (Not really a fan of the anime, no thanks to their rendition of Abel's 100% Crusnik form. Brrr, gahh.) So yeah. I'm spreading myself over many many many many (repeat. repeat) fandoms! Like strawberry jelly on toast, mmm....

Toast....jam...Yum. I'd like some coffee with that, please and thank you! *laughs at randomness*

Roy cosplay is 25% completed. Still facing the daunting task of sewing pants and the thing that I have christened, "the buttskirt". So that's another 50% unfinished. The last remaining quarter would be: gloves, boots (oh my.) and the goshdarn trim. Heaven help the day I decided to trim the thing by hand.

>_< As luck would have it, the last quarter is the most expensive. Where on EARTH do I go about finding suitable boots for a reasonable price, mm? And gloves? Somebody find me some white gloves, PLEASE. There's none to be had for love or money. -__-

Well now that my cosplay woes are out of the way, I shall rant about how absurdly expensive it is to have things shipped to you.

As my luck would have it (and I have none at all), the first two Trinity Blood novels are only available online. From Chapters.ca, since I'm not about to go sending off to the States for some books. So I see the price and go "yay, it's pretty decent". Then my friend does the total with shipping and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. The cost spikes from $20 to almost $30. That's a tenner. Ten dollars. Ten whole dollars.

Alright, I admit that 1.50 of that is GST. But that's still no reason for shipping to be so expensive? And being the poor student I am, I can't AFFORD to buy almost fourty dollars worth of books just to get free shipping. (Not that I wouldn't like to, of course.)

I would start ranting on how much money my sister has spent on clothing...but I have to get started on my Driver's Ed assignment.

Crazy, eh? Driver's Ed course has homework? Don't be silly darling, of course it does.

School starts September 4th, kiddos. Only two weeks of summer left.

Currently Listening Howl's Moving Castle By Joe Hisaishi see related

Completely and wholly obsessed

Prettyful hmc (see below for explaination of term) doujinshi cover. Done by Sumomo no Ki, titled "A drop of powerful magic" or something like that. Bah, if only the inside lineart was as beautiful as the cover. But a sweet-sounding doujinshi from the sound of the synopsis. If only hmc doujinshi scanlations were easy to come by..... And I sincerely hope the doujinshi circle does not turn its wrath on my for putting up that image. No harm meant, really.

Bankai Ichigo cosplay is on hold until I can obtain the insane amount of black, white and red cloth needed to make it. Though pity, I have everything I need for Tensa Zangetsu. (I will probably go ahead and make the zanpakuto, haha. May as well, since the materials are sitting around gathering dust.)

Roy Mustang (FMA) cosplay is still on, since I already have the hairstyle (on my head, thank you very much), cloth (such a nice royal blue!) and everything else. Minus the "alchemy spark gloves" and ribbon for the trim. I should be able to obtain a pair of white gloves somewhere and the ribbon will be easy. (White probably...my perfectionist cosplay heart aches to think of it, but I can't get grey or silver as cheaply...hehe)

And I am completely and wholly obsessed with Howl's Moving Castle, which I will dub "hmc" to cut down on typing time and to differentiate from HMC, my former middle school. Howl is the best! And Calcifer, and Sophie, and Markl, and and.... *continues onwards* The book is good enough. I can't say it's brilliant, but it's good. The movie and book are the perfect complements to each other, without subtracting from each others goodness. =)

So yeah.....hmc has been added to my list of obessees. Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, Howl's Moving Castle.... and the list shall undoubtably grow. XD

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), which takes place in November, is coming up. And I still have no ideas on what do write about. 50 000 words in a month! That's about 3 pages every day. Think I can do it? Hehe, what am I saying? I'll manage to pull this one off somehow, I guess. But to think of something that I can write about for 50 000 words....hmmm.... That's the length of a novella, but novel sounds much nicer. =D

Now it's getting sort of cold and my head is starting it's dizzy spinning thing again. Better stop blogging and staring at a screen while I'm not completely incapaciated. =D I'm HUNGRY. And TIRED. But yay......six more school days until exams and about 8 school days until the end of summer school.

Gah. I feel horrible that I haven't practiced tenor sax, erhu or taichi sword for so long....but apparently I'm allowed to slack off on these until exams are over. <__<;

*sigh* Class is so lonely. A friend that I thought was close to me has become distant. Woe is me, woe is me. But fear not, no green slime.

May you rest in peace

The Final Inspection - (Author unknown)

The soldier turned and faced God,
which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,
just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?"

"Have you always turned the other cheek,
To my church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his soulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't."

"Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep.

Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just to steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes,God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here,
It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.

As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgement of his God.

"Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burden well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell.

God and the Soldier we both adore,
In times of danger and not before.
The danger passed and all is righted,
God is forgotten and the Soldier slighted.

It's the military, not the reporter,
who have given us, freedom of the press.

It's the military, not the poet,
who have given us, freedom of speech.

It's the military, not the politicains,
who have given us, Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

It's the military who salutes the flag,
who serves beneath the flag and
whoses coffin is draped by the flag.

To all the Canadian soldiers who have given their lives for our flawed but beautiful country, may you rest in peace. To all the soldiers of every country who have sacrificed for the ultimate cause, I respect you. You are braver than we could all every be.